Sorry that I didn't get back on here like I promised to the other day. I have had a really harsh week, and an emotional one. After the joy I felt the other morning at having been down four pounds, I then went in to work and I could tell right away that my boss had been on a rampage. She gets like that periodically and I suppose because I am the one employee that she knows won't storm off in a huff and quit . . . I am usually the one who bears the brunt of it. I am a kind person with a soft heart and she knows this . . . When I went into work on Monday morning I knew right away that it was going to be a bad day. I had already been feeling a bit sad and down because of family issues and then when I walked into the kitchen where I work I could tell she had been going through cupboards and things . . .
This is always a bad sign. The last time she did this to me was Easter of this past year, and at that time I was called everything from filthy to lazy and indolent. She has a warped idea of things really, and I know I shouldn't take the things she says personally and to heart. I should know that this is her problem, and not make it mine, but it's very hard not to take things personally when she is saying things like she does to me. In the past , this would have sent me straight to my chocolate stash, for soothing comfort and solace.
This was a real test, and I'm happy to say that I passed it for the most part. Oh, I did have a few weak moments, but I just told myself that I wasn't going to let her small mindedness and her failings cause me to lose faith in myself or to trip up where I have done so well. I know I'm not lazy, filthy or indolent . . . nor am I stupid and worthless.
One of the things that has helped me the most on this journey has been the little conversations that I have had with Margaret . . . conversations that have helped me to work out emotional issues which in the past have caused me to turn to food when I am down, or upset, or laid emotionally bare . . . Talking to Margaret has helped me to find and discover different ways of dealing with these types of triggers, rather than turning to food. This has been a real God send.
After having spent so long in an abusive relationship with my ex husband and having escaped, and then with having to deal with a boss who is a bit of a nutcase and emotionally abusive from time to time, I really needed the help that Margaret has been able to give me in that way.
I know that I can't really change the way my boss speaks to me or the way that she treats me from time to time . . . but I can change the way I react to it, and I can cease to let it have the power over me that it has done in the past.
So, whilst I did feel a bit injured earlier this week, and a bit emotioanlly raw . . . I did not cave in to it and allow it to destroy all the hard work I have done.
One-on-one Therapy is something that you can't get from a book or a cd, and it's worth every penny. It's completely tailored to you as an individual and it's personal. I truly believe that it's been the secret to my success thus far.
I know it can't go on forever . . . and I confess, I am a bit afraid of what will happen when it all ends . . . but then, I know that if I ever need to see Margaret for a bit of a refresher I can, and I will. This is just too darned important to me, as is my well being.
The good news is . . . I didn't go off the rails, and "She" didn't win.